When the Waters Fall...

Because everything can't be perfect. Pre-med, but all I want to do is live in Ireland. And have a giant scary looking dog. And write bad novels but get paid for them.
I also want to save the world, but I'm taking it one step at a time.

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Emerald Isle

A song about my obsession with Ireland. It sounds a little better with music, but here are the words.

Let me

Fly away

From here

I can’t

Stay here

Something calls me

From the sea

At night

When I’m holding on

To the last

Strand of light

I wanna fly away from here

Away from the sun

Away from the light

Let me fly away

To the Emerald Isle

The only place that I smile

Let me fly away

It’s an echo from

A distant time

I can hear the clock

Just ticking by

Tick Tock

Tick Tock

To me

Let me fly away from here

Away from the run

Away from the fight

Let me fly away

To the Emerald Isle

The only place that I smile

Let me fly away

To where the Irish roam

The only place that I know

The only place my heart’s home

Fly away from here

Where I used to feel okay

Let me fly away

Let me fly away

To the Emerald Isle

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None Will Be Left Astray.

Anger will give way to joy

And forgiveness will

Replace Regret.

Love will abound and those

Who were lost will again

Be found.

None will fear, but turn to love.

None will be left astray. 

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Funny Words and Random Thoughts

This is my brain at 7am without any sleep:

"Ok, you be you and I’m going to be Genna with a G."

"You do that one. More. Time…"

"Why did I agree to do this again? Oh right, bribery."

"Stop biting me you mangey cat!"

"I use Microsoft Word so I feel like I’m doing something official."

"Ok, this time you be you and I’ll be Keith but with the "i and e" flipped so it looks exotic."

Mom: I’ll wear the sweater with snowmen on it.

Me under my breath: Why? So you can finally have men all over you?

I told you I was awkward. 

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Seven Black Crows - A Poem

Seven black crows 

And I am one of them,

Sitting without purpose or reason

On the pavement,

No bugs or worms in sight.

We sit there and stare and

I can look at myself

As something other than present,

Without any reason.

But then I’ll lift into the air-

and fly away.

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So here’s the thing…

If you didn’t believe me earlier when I was like “Don’t rush into things!!!,” here’s where I tell you why. Because I had to learn the hard way and I don’t want anyone else to ever have to live through this. No one deserves to feel like this. I wouldn’t wish this horrible loneliness-  it’s basically loneliness on crack steroids and meth all at once- on anyone. ANYONE. Here’s my story.

Now, what I haven’t mentioned yet is that my brother, age 21, is a junior at the same school. In my head, I’d pictured he and I being best friends and doing everything as a super-hero sibling pair. That was just a pipe dream for three months. But by the end of October, my new best friend and my older brother started to like each other.

Eureka!!

The perfect plan: if I got them together, we could be the 3 AMIGOS!

And if anything happened to them, I would still have a best friend since Sid (the bff) and Randy (the brother) had each been mine first. And in the end, no matter what, worst case scenario, I would have a best friend who wasn’t so keen on my brother, and a brother who wasn’t so keen on my best friend. Best case: sister-in-law.

Everything was perfect.

I have slight (ha, no it’s bad, it’s actually very bad) commitment-phobia, but even I couldn’t deny that they were a cute couple and hoped they would stay together. As the best friend/sister I got to witness the big milestones of their relationship. First kiss-Halloween. First date- two weeks after. First sexy time- about four weeks after (although, let it be said that I’ve decided I’m not morally okay with premarital sexy time, at least not the whole 9 yards of it… just like three or four yards). First “L” word- about four weeks after, although Sid had professed to being an “L” word skeptic. I call BULL-S.

They became best friends and together, we were called the 3 Amigos. Christmas was a dream. But things had switched gears by New Year’s. Having my best friend and my brother be so close started to affect the group dynamic. They became closer and closer. They started talking about marriage and babies. And not in a “five years from now when we’re both over 21 years old” way. They started making inside jokes between the two of them and spending more time together than as a group. I’d never spent as much time with my brother as with Sid, but Sid started spending more time with Randy than with me. 

I became the outcast of my own group. How did that happen? Ok, it could be attributed to my slight bossiness, but things kept getting worse, so I didn’t understand how it could be all me. Was it all my fault?

Soon, like most kids their age, they were having sexy time all the time. I started rooming with Sid my second semester because we’d become such good friends. But they spent every day together. And they started leaving me out at lunch and dinner. They wanted to lay next to each other (because without room for a couch, you have to sit or lay on your bed to be minimally comfortable) and watch Netflix all the time. They wanted to kiss like sucker fishes and giggle. All normal relationship stuff. It’s mid April, and this has been going on since mid January. I’ve been miserable to four months and taken it silently except for a couple of times when I would ask them to be quiet because it really is annoying to listen to two people suck on each other’s faces all the time.

I’d been kept our of my own room on more than one occasion for… well you can guess. And then when I’d make fun of my brother for something, as a little sister thing and to secretly get back at him a little, and he would get upset. And then he would MOPE like a CHILD! And be gloomy and sit by himself silently like a 2 year old. Grow up! Sometimes Sid would side with me first and laugh at him because he was being ridiculous, but then she started sometimes siding with him and try to comfort him because she thought it was her job to coddle him. 

They’re already making wedding plans because Sid wants a family, not immediately, but within the next two years. No, it’s too soon! They’ve only known each other for six months and they’re both extremely immature. People who have just turned nineteen should NOT be getting married. Be engaged and have a five year plan. But getting married at nineteen is too young. You haven’t done anything yet! You haven’t really traveled. You’ve spent about 70-80% of your life thus far sitting in a concrete building with people trying to teach you how to add 2+2. In my opinion, it’s just too early. By 21, ok, but 19? Geez! And don’t say it’s because you don’t want your kids to have issues because if you want like three kids, you can do that in your thirties. My mom popped out 4 from the ages of 28-37, so you’ll be fine. Promise. Unless you want like 20 kids, but  then you’re just asking to not have a life. 

All of these 18-21 year olds getting married after knowing each other and dating for less than a year, you’re doing it wrong! It’s not 1940 anymore, and people aren’t to be trusted like they used to be. It takes a lot longer to get to know someone’s true nature. I promise you, the divorce rate when we’re all in our thirties and forties is going to be the highest in history. Just saying. And it won’t be my fault, I guarantee you. 

But back to the story: In the past month, I’ve been increasingly ignored. Not a conversation or a text message over ten characters or so in a month. My best friend won’t talk to me. At All. How am I supposed to know if she’s mad or upset? And my brother won’t talk to me. He won’t even consider me enough to let me know if anything’s going on. What kind of brother does that to his baby sister? I trusted him. I thought he would try and protect me? Now he’ll always be the one who stole my best friend from me. And I don’t know yet if I can forgive him. 

And it sucks that I’m an introvert and a passive person and whatever, but I haven’t really said much      -A. Because I haven’t gotten a chance to because they won’t talk to me at all. and       B. Because I keep hoping, in vain, that things will get better. And they’re only getting worse. 

Sid moved out last week. She’d moved her clothes out and finally got the courage to tell me. Although, she’d moved her clothes out and was taking her pictures off the wall. What am I, an idiot? No, not normally at least.

When she had been at school (for the past two months, she’d spend less and less time on campus because she lives twenty minutes from the school and went home two or three times a week) she would turn up the icy cold AC and close all the blinds and lay on her bed in the dark watching Netflix with Randy. And she hasn’t talked to me in a week. I’ve tried to start conversations with her but nothing. And my idiot brother spends all his time in his room or in the basement of our house texting her.

All this says to me is that they don’t care about me. Who the HELL does that? Just stops talking to your best friend or sister with no cause or reason or an explanation? Who does that! Who completely disregards their best friend and their sister like that WITHOUT A WORD?

And I don’t even know what I’ve done. If I knew, I could have some closure, or be sorry for what I did and be able to move on.

But they were my only good friends for months. They were the ones I told my fears and my aggravations to.

Until I came to rely on Maddie and Brent and Colby. They’ve been angels. They keep me smiling and make me feel cared for. They’ve been better friends through this and I don’t even think they know it. Now I spend time with them in class and studying. They’ve kept me from falling so far within myself that I fought off the depression I felt was trying to suffocate me for two months. And every time I felt like the world was ending and I would break and shatter, I prayed.

I’ve prayed and asked God to be with me and fill my heart with His love and His forgiveness more times in the past month than in the past 18 years of my life. And I’ve had the most serene peace.

Sometimes I get to the breaking point again, like I’m right on the edge and just jumping will finally end this heart-breaking agony of emotionally losing the two people closest to me- the two people I wanted to plan my life with- the two people I loved and trusted more than anyone else and more than I ever have before. But as soon as I see that precipice, I look to God. And I remind myself that my life is not my own. It’s HIS, and He has bigger plans for me than for me to sit and cry and be depressed. He’s not finished with me yet. I’ve got so much more to do and to worry about. 

And this fall I’m transferring to a University with a great science program. I want to be a doctor so I can help people and make a difference. And I want to keep up with politics like my parents and I’ll be able to help and get involved thanks to my sister. And someday, I’m going to make a difference in this world. I don’t know how, but God has reminded me over and over that He’s got a bigger plan for me. And this pain, these tears, are fleeting. They won’t last forever. But His glory will. 

And I’m going to trust in that. I couldn’t still love my brother and his girlfriend on my own. The only reason I’m still about to be brave enough to love them is because God’s love is so great that His love for me overflows and I have to share it. People say “Love is the closest thing that we have to magic.” 

No. Love is the closest we get to God. 

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College Year 1: A Review

My first year of college is winding down. That’s right, I’ll have survived an entire year of college. Let me start his by saying that a LOT has been put into perspective in the last few months. The plans I thought I had for my life have changed and some have been postponed. Others, I won’t be able to ever achieve and that’s okay. 

This year has been so fun, but the past three months have been extremely difficult for me. Emotionally and mentally, I’ve been stressed and pulled Laffy-Taffy style to my absolute limit. And just when I thought I would break or snap or I wouldn’t be able to take it, I put my trust in God and he brought me unexplainable peace. The people I had relied on most for the past six months were abandoning me without explanation. A lot of this doesn’t make sense, so let me back up a little.

I started college at a small University in north Georgia. When I say small, I mean that this college has less students than my high school. It’s difficult as an academic because it’s not the most prestigious is math and science, though it’s Lit program is pretty amazing, as is the business and history. Another issue is with so few students, about 70% of them are athletes. When a school with 2000 kids makes a football team with nearly 200 players, it changes the environment. And not necessarily in a good way. Some of those football players are nice and smart and good-hearted small-town people. Others came from who knows where and only came because the school is small enough that they got to play almost every game. I think a lot of the players failed out or transferred or something because this semester has been better than last semester. But there’s a lot of soccer, lacrosse, and track athletes. Like a lot!

Few students are not involved in sports, and I was one of those. I picked up the school newspaper and being the improv troupe’s videographer as my two activities. There are also religious groups on campus, but they were a little too intense for a modest, private girl like me. I’ve never been one to pray over another person for the Holy Spirit to come and heal them right that second. I’ve always, my mother being a doctor been a firm believer that God heals primarily through science, and that prayer alone isn’t necessarily going to help. Like, you should meet God halfway instead of just telling him to heal you. Sorry, that sounds rude but it’s hard for me to put this kind of thing into words. 

The other students who aren’t athletes are there to get academic help, not that they’re stupid because that’s not true. These kids just need help with organization or have one subject that’s hard for them. One girl in my suite is really smart and does pretty well but she takes a little longer to understand things, so she gets extra help to take tests and gets organizational help. Small problems, that might require a tutor once a week. But I’ve always been an honors kid. I’m saying that like it’s a bad things, but it kind of is. It’s annoying to say the least. Because when I say “honors kid”, I mean the one who’s never quite at the top of the class but who does well overall and makes up in academics what I lack in actual social skills. I promise I’m about 1000x more awkward in person than I am when I write. 

Anyway, that’s the atmosphere of the school. Everyone knows everyone’s business and there’s a lot of big university stuff that happens and everyone is basically involved because there’s not enough students for anyone to not be involved. 

So through all of this stuff and not finding someone I could really see myself being friends with, I found someone! It took about a month for us to really hit it off, but once we did, we had inside jokes, nicknames, and had vowed to be best friends for life.

DON’T EVER DO THIS! TAKE YOUR TIME AND TAKE IT SLOW! A friendship is like a relationship, it takes about four months to really get to a point where you should begin to trust them fully. And it takes about six months before you should even THINK about saying the “L” word. By month three, I’d told this new best friend that I “lava”-ed her and a friendship was born. 

But these things don’t survive. You have to be careful. 

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New Beginnings

Not only am I 18 today, but I’m also moving out on Saturday. That’s right, internet, I’m moving out! Getting away from my parents and taking up college life. In my last major post, I mentioned how rooted I was to my chorus program and to my school. Time does heal all wounds, does it not? Not only am I glad to not be going back, but I’m also not going to miss it as much as I thought. Granted, I’ll always miss my amazing teacher and my best friends, but by the end of high school, the veils between fake friendships come down. You’ll know by the end of graduation who is and who is not your friend.

The easiest part of graduating was being taken out of my leadership role. Being the liaison (kind of like the president) of the Leadership Team was a privilege and the best thing I did in my four years of high school, but it was also the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Not only was I the first single liaison, but it made it difficult to get along with my friends because I was also kind of their boss. And high schoolers never take anything seriously, so I was constantly feeling like I was the head of a group of middle schoolers. Ok. They weren’t that bad, but they certainly didn’t make it easy on me. They were never sympathetic to all that I did and constantly talked about me behind my back while smiling to my face, but they were too ignorant of my position and of my own feelings that what they said behind my back (I have my sources) didn’t even make sense. Leadership roles can turn even the closest of friends against you. What I hate the most is that I don’t even know the cause. Sure, I had to yell sometimes and crack the whip, but I was also learning what it took to deal with people. I think I did the best that I could given the skills that an awkward high school senior possesses. 

Another downside of being the liaison was that I was really only able to give my attention to that one organization. All of my time was spent managing and planning events and each day that I didn’t have much time left for anything else. If it wasn’t for the Leadership Team, it was for my teacher. It was stupid of me and arrogant of me to take on all extra responsibilities that the teacher let me. It’s part of my personality. I’m a natural suck-up. But I loved helping with role or helping with sectionals during class. It made me feel needed and appreciated when I was trusted to watch the class when we had a sub or when I was allowed to conduct a sectional. That’s what I got for being dedicated. But I also got disrespect and negative emotions from my classmates, from the people I thought were my friends. To them, I say, I really am stupid enough to not understand what went what went wrong. I always say, “If you don’t personally tell me, I honestly have no idea what’s going on.”

No one seems to believe that. 

I guess everyone has trust issues.

It’s hard to think about that time, toward the end. At first I saw a light at the end of the tunnel, but once I could see the other side, everything collapsed and started closing in on me. In some ways, I’m lucky I made it out unscathed. I would never do anything to hurt anyone what I worked with, not that they would believe that. Not that they didn’t have any intentions to hurt me. I’m just sorry it ended the way it did.

Maybe that’s a good thing though. I’m sure of the people who stuck by me. And now I’m moving on and away. Now I can make a new name for myself. It’s time for me to step back and observe for a while instead of being stuck in the eye of the storm. Maybe it’s time to make my own storm. Personally, I don’t like having enemies, but I’m pretty sure I heard somewhere that, “Making enemies only means you’re doing something right.” I don’t know if that’s true, and until I figure that out, I’ll enjoy my first year of college. And enjoy making new friends and being somewhere new.  It’s the new beginning I never knew I wanted or needed. 

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Childhood Flashes

The impossible has happened. I’ve begun to grow up. All those wishes on second stars and dreams of staying forever young like Peter Pan, every dandelion wish and hope for adventures to rival every Disney princess… they’re starting to fade. 

Recently, I’ve found myself revisiting things from my past. Old books, movies, games, diaries, habits. Things that I failed at when I was little are easy for me to obtain, but I find no joy from winning that computer game that kept me stumped for hours on end. I’m no longer mesmerized by the monsters who may be hiding under my bed. Or by the magic that must reside in the book to make it glow in the dark. 

Maybe it’s because I’m graduating in four months?

There’s a wall in one of the practice rooms connected to our chorus room that had handprints of past seniors on it. I was practicing by myself one day and I started looking at the handprints. There have been three senior classes to put their handprints on the wall, each class’s prints in a different color. Last year, I took pictures of the seniors putting their handprints on the wall. I can remember them all, graduated by then, and as I stared at their hands, their lasting mark on this building, I couldn’t help but wonder how I’ll feel in four months. Right now, I’m nervous. I’ve got scholarship applications to fill out and college visits to plan. How will I feel by then? Right now I don’t want to leave. All State is next month and we’ve got LGPE to perform at. I’m meeting new people every day and I don’t really want to leave them right now. But who knows what four months will do. Will I be ready to go? 

Will I continue to go through flashes of my childhood until then? Is this just part of growing up, forgetting about the things of your childhood to make room for the new memories of being a young adult? For now, I can’t answer this. I’m not even really sure what this is. But I keep going through the files of memories in my mind, reliving each small adventure, finally completing every minuscule task that I had failed before. 

And here’s the real humdinger: What am I supposed to do when I run of out of those little things? 

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pretty please (oh for goofness's sake)

  • A. Why my last relationship ended.
  • I had a past relationship? Why did no one tell me?
  • B. Favourite band.
  • I'm an orchestra kind of girl. Ask again later.
  • C. Who I like and why I like them.
  • I like the idea of this guy because the idea is unattainable and much better than the real thing.
  • D. Hardest thing I’ve ever been through.
  • Every single day.
  • E. My best friend.
  • My dog. When I cry, she looks at me funny like, "What the hell is that stuff gushing from your eye sockets??"
  • F. My favourite movie.
  • If you were my friends, you would know this by now.
  • G. Sexual orientation.
  • There's an orientation I have to attend for sex? No, thanks. I'll just read the pamphlet and be done with it.
  • H. Do I smoke/drink?
  • Stupid question. No. Next.
  • I. Have any tattoos or piercings?
  • Two piercings in each ear, normal spot on the ear. Tattoos.. um, what about Sharpie tattoos?
  • J. What I want to be when I get older.
  • Different than I am now... maybe more sarcastic if that's possible.
  • K. Relationship with my parents.
  • I tell them nothing and they still don't know how to knock but I persevere in my love for them.
  • L. One of my insecurities.
  • I'm afraid no one will ever read this.
  • M. Virgin or not?
  • What kind of question is this? Refer to A. and G.
  • N. Favourite place to shop at?
  • The internet. I'm not a fan of people.
  • O. My eye colour.
  • Is that the british spelling of color? Who made this questionnaire? I demand to know!
  • P. Why I hate school.
  • Why should I hate school? Just because I don't like people doesn't mean I don't hate actually going to school.
  • Q. Relationship status as of right now.
  • Oh my god. Refer to A. and G. and M.
  • R. Favourite song at the moment.
  • Blissful Silence by The Universe
  • S. A random fact about myself.
  • I have two eyes.
  • T. Age I get mistaken for.
  • Older than I am... much much older.
  • U. Where I want to be right now.
  • Ireland. Not kidding.
  • V. Last time I cried.
  • How many tears are we talking? One? Three? Bawling? I'm not telling you anything.
  • W. Concerts I’ve been to.
  • I performed in a musical just last Sunday.
  • X. What would you do if (…)?
  • What would you do if... ? Is that the best question you have? I fail to see the point of this.
  • Y. Do you want to go to college.
  • You should have used a question mark at the end of 'college'. I'm done.
  • Z. How are you?
  • Well, I'm not you, so pretty darn good.
  • Ok, a little bitter and sarcastic but it accomplishes a purpose.
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Let Me Tell You a Story…

I’m the first person to blog about this, or write anything, hopefully. 

Let me start off by telling you a story.

Two weeks ago, we were reading Camus’s The Stranger in my AP Lit class. This novel, if you’ve haven’t read it (but you should read it), presents the philosophy of existentialism. Existentialism basically says that whatever happens will happen, without the universe’s interference or pity. The universe is indifferent and we should focus on where we are right now because it’s all we have. So, we were discussing the novel when our teacher told us a story. She had been told by the 9th Grade Lit teacher, whose room is adjacent to her own. He has been told the story by his parents, who had been told by the woman who lived the experience. The woman lives in Alabama and told this story (approximately) to her Bible Study group: She was driving down the interstate and she heard a voice. Each person who has retold the story makes sure to describe this woman as a sane woman, very practical and solid mentally. She heard a voice, clear as though someone were sitting next to her, say, “The election you are expecting in three weeks will not happen.” Now, this excited the woman, and she pulled over to the side of the road to compose herself. She was quite shaken up and still recovering when a police officer pulled up to see if she was alright and asked if he could do anything. She told him that something had happened that shocked her and she just needed a moment to get herself together. Again, the police officer asked what happened and if he could do anything. “If I tell you, you won’t believe me,” she said. The police officer responded, “Try me.” The woman recounted hearing a voice and what it had said. When she had finished speaking, the police officer replied, “You know, I would think you’re crazy but three other people have told me the exact same thing today.”

Of course we discussed the meaning of this in my Lit class. We questioned from Zombie Apocalypse to natural disasters and it seems now that our reasonings may not have been far off. With Hurricane Sandy, it seems like this trivial prediction made by a religious woman somewhere in Alabama may hold some truth. My classmates and I have kept our eyes open. The other lit teacher whose parents originally heard the story told us that his parents had asked what the woman’s sense of what would happen felt like. She had responded that whatever it was, it seemed bigger than just something happening to a potential candidate. A hurricane hitting the northeastern US? That’s a lot bigger than if something happened to a candidate! More and more casualties continue to pop up due to the storm and the damage is already sky high. I sent my Lit teacher an email this afternoon because I was reading articles and mapping the path of Sandy. This is what the email said: 

Reading up on hurricane Sandy on the Fox News website. The meteorologists are describing it as a hybrid super-storm because it’s beginning to merge with other storm systems and arctic winds. Here’s a paragraph of the article from their website.

The monster hurricane has made a westward lurch and aim for New Jersey, blowing ashore and it is suppose to combine with two other weather systems — a wintry storm from the west and cold air rushing in from the Arctic — to create an epic superstorm.”
Read more: http://latino.foxnews.com/latino/news/2012/10/29/hurricane-sandy-slams-northeast/#ixzz2Aj2vlrsO
They are predicting the more intense effects to extend as far as Chicago, with most major damage to New York, Philadelphia, Boston, Washington DC, and Baltimore. 
Another excerpt from the article says that, “Authorities warned that New York City and Long Island could get the worst of the storm surge — an 11-foot wall of seawater that could swamp lower Manhattan, flood the subways and cripple the underground network of electrical and communications lines that are vital to the nation’s financial capital.”
I think Mr. K’s friend’s predictions just might come true in a big way. The anticipation of some large, shattering force hitting our country has certainly made the election and every detail of the news more interesting. I’m also prone to worry, which has made me twice as attentive to the news, especially regarding this storm, than I should be. 
Here’s the kicker. The rest of the article describes Obama’s promises to aiding the destruction relief (after we sit and wait for the storm to hit), how the stock exchange closed for the first time since 9/11, the UN canceled their New York meetings, and the fact that people in those states (some of which are the most competitive) will not be able to vote because they’ve evacuated already.
At this moment, Sandy is less than thirty minutes away from touching down in New Jersey and it’s all we can do to sit and wait and watch. 
Interesting, no? Obviously, the anticipation of some massive force affecting the election has clouded my view of this hurricane, but I am even more astounded at it’s potential and kinetic effects that are currently taking hold of this country. Even in Georgia, we’re feeling the great gusts of wind, some at 30mph, that shake our homes and make it sound like a thunderstorm when there are no clouds in the sky. It’s eerie and exciting at the same time. Right now I’m much more interested in watching this chain of events unfold and I certainly hope that I’m not the only one praying for all of the people affected. It’s about time we stopped arguing over some election and about time we focused our efforts on supporting and rebuilding the lives of those that will be effected by this terrible disaster. Obama and Romney are already taking actions to support and aid in rebuilding, but what are they doing until then? Exactly what we are all doing. The only thing we can do. Sit and wait and watch as this story unfolds. Maybe I’ll even get to continue writing about it. God bless.
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Get to know me

  • A: Age.
  • B: Where I'm from.
  • C: Where I would like to live.
  • D: Favourite food.
  • E: Religion.
  • F: Sexual orientation.
  • G: Single/taken.
  • H: Favourite book.
  • I: Eye colour.
  • J: Favourite movie.
  • K: Favourite TV show.
  • L: Favourite band/singer.
  • M: Random fact about me.
  • N: Favorite day of the year.
  • O: Favourite colour.
  • P: If I have any pets; if so, their names.
  • Q: What I'm listening to right now.
  • R: Favourite flower.
  • S: What's my ringtone.
  • T: Favourite male character from a TV show.
  • U: Favourite female character from a TV show.
  • V: What my name means.
  • W: Favourite superhero.
  • X: If I would date someone on tumblr.
  • Y: My birthday.
  • Z: If I like my name.
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Life Tests You… Literally

So, today was the day. I took the SAT for the first time. I know, that’s pitiful because I’m three months into my senior year and I’m just now taking it, but at least I did it! It wasn’t even really that bad. Rachel Fred, one of the best Rachels in the world, was there. It was funny because we sit next to each other in Pre-Calculus and neither one of us mentioned it. Honestly, it was longer than it was harder and waking up at 6:20 in the morning wasn’t so fun either, nor was the restless anxiety. At least now I can rest easily, retake it in November because I’m sure I failed miserably, and focus on making this last year of high school count. I’m enjoying doing short vlogs, but more enjoying taping others. Have you watched those “Chorus Girls” videos yet. If not, and you’d like to see what happens when a bunch of Chorus girls go to a Mexican restaurant, I suggest you watch them. They’re entertaining whether or not you understand what’s happening. 

Now I’m worrying about the future. What does life have in store for me? God doesn’t really answer when I ask, so then I ask different things. What do I want to do for my career? Where do I want to attend college? What do I want to major in? And… he didn’t answer those either. All these questions have answers, and as the student, it’s my job to answer them. It’s my life and they’re my questions to answer. Haha, just think of it as a different test form (you know, like A, B, C?? So people don’t cheat). It’s not that I don’t enjoy the deep, philosophical thinking about my purpose and who I am, but I think it’s about time… I think I’m ready to sit down and answer those questions. It’s nice that I have four years of college ahead of me, which is plenty of time to change my major a thousand times. I am, however, the kind of person who’s determined to get it right the first time.  We’ll see.

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