Waiting
Somehow, it seems like we’re always kept waiting. At school, we’re waiting for the bell to ring, so we can go mingle. At home, we’re waiting to go to bed so tomorrow can be a better day. Recently, I keep waiting for my own life to start. I’m young and energized, and sitting on the bench ready to play.
I’m waiting to become old enough to work, to love, and to start what I hope will be the best part of my life. But is it worth it to skip the growing up part and go straight to growing older? I feel so ready to fall in love, to get my degree and work, but I’m just not there yet.
It’s hard to always be thinking of the future and not really live in the present. But what if the present doesn’t give you much to work with? There’s so much more to do in life, but I guess I’ll have plenty of time to do those things when I get older.
I’m waiting for the school year to end. I’m waiting for Netflix to put up the next season of Bones. I’m waiting for a DressBarn to open up in my city. I’m waiting for the stocks to come back.
For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been waiting for this weird, tralala, feeling to go away. Yeah, yeah, I know. It means I like someone. And I do not want to like him. He is one of those guys who you absolutely adore because he is your absolute best friend. I can’t let that change. I’m not the kind of girl he would like and I know we won’t ever date, but that doesn’t seem to stop my emotions from taking control of my thoughts. Every time my friends say something borderline flirting, I go on defense. I feel protective of him, and I want to be the one to make him laugh. I want to be sad just so he can be happy and make me feel better. I go searching for little things every day that I know will make him smile. His mind fascinates me, he’s so brilliant. I could just sit and listen to him explain mathematical and statistical concepts all day.
And I hate feeling this way, though. I have these stupid little tralala’s that sing in my head. My heart pounds. I must have butterflies coming out of my ears because my stomach is full of them! I’ll never be able to do anything about it. I just have to wait for this to go away. Because it has to. And I’ll be waiting.
